“Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.”
It can be short, it can be long. It can rush or it can even seem to stand still.
Time…feels different to everyone and although science tried to measure it and describes it with formulas, not ever was it possible to make it dogmatically visible and to explain how and why it is different to everyone.
It is one on those mysterious things we can’t really grab and one of those things, we have to realise and accept that time is what it is – IT JUST IS!
Time has become something very valuable in our lives. Something like a currency which we try to gather, collect, work around and which rules our emotions constantly.
If we have little time, we feel poorly. Having a lot of spare time, we might feel rich…but then again, what IS little time or a lot of time?
And how do we rate it?
I never thought much about time itself until the day I nearly died.
I had an accident, but until then I lived my life and planning my things towards my future which I thought was proposed fulfilling.
I worked and lived towards my dreams that I one day was planning on making them come true.
After the accident my relation to time had changed, and so had my whole relation towards life. What I had found was not to have much time to be important to me, but what I made of it in order to not wasting it. I didn’t realise it at first, but I really started to rush things. A weight of pressure was guiding me like a ticking bomb. It was clinging above my head like a big ticking cloud, raining all those minutes down on me that I felt I had wasted with ordinary things.
I felt, I could see all that time I had and I saw it all being wasted on trivial things. I even felt sleeping being a waste and it bothered me a lot when I had to lie down to rest.
Wasting my time became a fear, and it did, what every fear does, once it has entered our minds – it poisoned me.
You must know, fear is a dark cloud and it affects everything. It is like a disease, spreading out all over the other parts of our life, starting with the simple things.
And what else it does is clouding our eyes and our mind for the essential.
The pressure grew. What to do with time and days off work I spent suffering at home, not knowing what to do. I did have spare time but I didn’t want to waste it on anything unimportant, so I ended up doing nothing, in fear having wasted my spare time.
TIME IS WHAT IT IS – IT JUST IS, but our mind and ego are so desperate to make a proper sense of it.
Trying to understand it leads to totally wrong perceptions which guide our day-to-day life. Time is always there, there is no start and there is no ending, even if we died! The clock goes on, its just us gone.
The Shaolin for example, say that time is not even time and doing things slower we will end up being more productive and happier and meet the right obstacles and challenges at the right time for us. Not paying attention to time itself in general is supposed to make us free and successful at the same time but that didn’t seem logic to me at all, because that was not how everyone else does, and what everyone else did must’ve been right, otherwise they wouldn’t do it, right?
So my pressure about time rooted furthermore in my perception about dying and the fact that I thought I know how much time I had.
Years? Decades? Hours? Minutes?
The fact is: NO ONE KNOWS!
Dying is another great fear of our society that has inflicted my mind, closely connected to time, because we cannot know when it happens or how we have to leave this world.
Throughout our lives we are confronted with the fact that we will never know. I found out, when I lost someone who was really close to me very unexpectedly.
We moan about the loss and we might pity the bereaved and ourselves, but no one can ever say that in these very moments, he has not been thinking and reflecting on their own lives.
Because, what scares us the most at those times is rather the fact that it could have happened to us, than the fact that someone else has lost someone.
WHAT IF IT HAD HAPPENED TO ME?
It could have! Death doesn’t differ between good people or bad people, between rich and poor, or old and young! Death can visit every one of us unexpectedly.
It might now frighten you, but to me this revelation was a relief to all the pressure and restlessness I had been guided by.
Time itself is just a word, to make something permanent. To give our brain an idea what we are talking about. But time itself is nothing but moments to me now!
Moments are something I can grab and my life now only exists in moments, not in hours or minutes, days or months.
And I found now, that my awareness is on the moment itself, my life is filled by moments that move my heart and about chances, rather than what to do next week or when to make my dreams come true.
I am trying to make every moment a good memory and to go slow and see the signs on the side of the road. I feel free now and I don’t try to spend moments suffering for a brighter future.
Every moment I live I try to create to move my heart and if they don’t, I do something about them…and you know what?
I FEEL I GOT ALL TIME IN THE WORLD!
