The End Of Something

The End of Something

26^th oct.

14.50h

Wow, what to say….sitting in COSTA and having my last vanilla latte in Yorkshire. And if the vanilla latte could talk, I’d shut it up as now in my very situation, everything that needed to be said had been said.

I have arrived at a stage of my life, where there is no way back but only one single option forward.

Although I am hurt that all broke down, I have the feeling its probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me.

Now I am free to follow my own dreams and do what I believe in, as now I know, its always been the right way!

How I do know my way was the right one? It was, as it was never founded on fear but on courage to face my fears and based on love.

I gotta admit, I never been that broke in my life and it scares me a lot.

But I will have to go with the flow now, and hopefully it gets me back on track.

I have no money left and the place I am going to I have never been before. And also, I only know 1 single person out there.

Life came crashing down on me this whole year and because I didn’t deal with things the right way by believing in myself and respecting my self-value I now am at a point where I have to reap what I sowed.

I am standing here, picking up the withered crops of my harvest and I am sad, wondering how it even got that far.

But thinking too much about this doesn’t help, I would never know if all had gone different had I done things the other way.

Past is past, nothing will change it and it wont come back.

What I had lost was the deep love for myself, respecting my needs, respecting who I am and who I was. Therefore I ended up in a destructive and malnourished environment. I tried to accept those situations out of love, but I forgot the love for myself.

If I look back, in all the last 9 months nearly NOTHING was nurturing me. But it was ME nurturing everything and everyone else.

Time will tell now, what good things will spring from the last 9 months. I deeply believe, not all was bad but now that everything of it seems like a total lie, I need the dust to settle and after that take a look beyond the lies to find the truth.

Now with this moment, I finally start off into my own life again, going my own way and him going his.

Although my direction now doesn’t quite lead me where I want to be, I am sure that it will be better than the life of lies I had found myself in until 3 weeks ago.

Anyone else out there that just lost everything and recently trying to pick up the pieces of their shattered dreams?

I will keep you updated how it goes at my end and although things don’t seem to make sense to me at the moment, I am sure soon they will…they always do.