Soul and other Mates

Why do relationships fail so often? Why do partners suffer so much being with each other?

And why do we sometimes suffer a break-up wondering, how was this possible, although there still is so much love for the other?

I think, the reason why a lot of relationships and marriages fail is not because of a lack of love.

I think, it’s due to a lack of friendship.

Actually, there is no difference between true love and friendship. But the way we see and define love makes it being a big difference.

The love for a friend often comes more unconditionally, whilst the love for a partner we fill with conditions.

When we search for a love to share our lives with, we often fail and end up with someone who doesn’t really fit to us.

Because what we don’t realise is, that subconsciously we have an idea about the right partner, how he has to be, what he has to look like – we put up conditions.

Those ideas, expectations, are based on deeper reasons, mostly on a lack we feel in our life and we actually expect the partner to fill that lack. To add what we are missing.

What we do, my friend and I, we call “Window-shopping”.

We only see what is visible to the eye mixed with our expectations and seldom we are our true selves when we enter a relationship.

We hang up a good picture of ourselves so the other doesn’t notice our faults and weaknesses. We don’t really show who we really are and a lot of times, we keep doing that over years until we are so unhappy that we break up and the magic is gone.

Now, in friendship things work differently.

Because there are no such expectations, we tend to behave more natural. We can behave shit, we can be angry, weak, cry and laugh at the same time and our best friend is not giving a damn gram of shit. Our best friend sees the demons in us, but also accepts them as a part of ourselves.

It’s called intimacy and is one of the most beautiful and freeing moments in our lives. When we can me ALL of us and we can feel ok about it.

Our best friend would eat the last slice of pizza and laugh right in our face, but to a regular partner, we wouldn’t be so forgiving! And whilst the perfect partner we have in mind would bail us out of jail, our best friend would be sitting in jail next to us saying: “That was soooo awesome!!!”

Meanwhile I think, the best thing that can happen to us is, to get married to your best friend!

Or let me call it, your SOULMATE, and let me stop you here from floating through purple clouds thinking about a flawless union where there is only peace and love.

Because, unlike to what people believe a SOULMATE is, I think it is the opposite!

I used to think, that a true SOULMATE is a picture-perfect and the flawless fit and everything is just wonderful, but I now realised, it is actually the contrary.

I think, a SOULMATE actually is a mirror you look into every single day of your life and all you see is just an image of your true Self.

A SOULMATE shows us everything about us, everything we truly are, not only the light but also the shadows that lure inside of us.

They bring our greatest fears and desires to our own attention so we can change our life accordingly. They display us obstacles, demolishing our walls we put up and punch us awake.

Our SOULMATE”S purpose is to split apart our ego, breaking our shielded hearts open so new light can set upon our fears and restrictions, and by that freeing us more than anything else we will come across in life.

They make us angry and happy at the same time – they make us feel alive.

And don’t get me wrong; our true SOULMATE is not one of those who is promising the stars to us, but one of the kind that lays down with us to watch them for a while.

I am pretty sure, that our SOULMATE is the one, that doesn’t end up turning us into the person we really ARE, but into a person we ALWAYS WANTED TO BECOME!