I HAVE A FRIEND

I have a friend and he has a gift.

He has a very beautiful gift and although he knows about that gift he has, he doesn’t know how to use his gift properly.

My friend has a good heart.

He is difficult to handle but beyond all the accusations, nasty remarks and his dismissive behaviour I can tell his heart is just very lonely.

He reminds me of the children I worked with in the Paediatric Psychiatry.

He reminds me of “Kellerkinder”, those children who drowned between their parental issues and have never been seen they way they are, neither have their simple needs for unconditional love been fulfilled in any kind.

Whenever my friend meets people, he has the gift to see and feel right away, what issues those people have.

Not on the surface, but in their depths, underneath all their images they project.

He knows that the pretty girl on our table is overdressed because deep inside she thinks she is ugly and therefore tries to compensate outwards.

He knows that the other guy is getting aggressive when drunk because his life at home is a nightmare and in order to keep up his dignity he puts others people down in his time off.

He feels, that when the woman in the red dress told him that she hasn’t been with anyone the last few months, she had been lying to him in order to gain comfort and he knows that she needed a hug, rather than a fuck, giving the wrong impression wearing a dress that makes her look like a hooker.

But, what he doesn’t know is how to turn this gift into something beautiful because my friend’s heart is hurt and lonely.

So what he does is turning THEIR issues and life into the same pain he feels, too, without even noticing it.

Now, the woman with the overdressed garment is getting accused of looking totally fake and ugly.

The drinking, sarcastic guy has to listen to my friend calling him a loser with no back bone and the woman in the red dress is blamed of being a shallow woman who thinks she can have men simply by dressing in an inappropriate manner.

When being with him, it’s difficult, because he cannot simply take people and things as they neither are, nor say something beautiful in order to help those people. And what happens is that everyone turns around and leaves him.

He starts off lonely and ends up lonely, although his heart is crying out for love and acceptance.

I once asked him why he constantly does this.

“Why are you constantly trying to hurt people?” I asked.

“Its not my fault they’re hurt, its just I am pushing their buttons!” He explained proudly.

“Because you know what’s underneath their faces they show?”

“I can tell, 5 miles against the wind, what their issues are.” He said proudly.

I thought for a moment. “But…in a way to hurt them…”

“No, that’s not what I do. I realise what’s wrong with them, what their issues are and I help them to recognize them! I help them to change this!” was his answer.

My friend is intelligent and although his heart thrives to help those around him, it doesn’t know how because his heart is hurt itself.

I am sure; the overdressed woman would appreciate someone saying “You wouldn’t have needed to be that overdressed. You’re beautiful already.”

The angry drinking guy might think about his life and his actions more if someone said: “You’re working so hard on your family life without caring about your own needs!”

And why not giving the woman in the red dress a very big hug and inviting her for a coffee in order to show her that there is no need to be incongruent by disguising our needs?

My friend is the most difficult person I have ever met in my life but I am sure, one day he will manage to turn his own pain around and nice words come across his angry tongue instead of nasty criticism.

And I am sure, that his drive of helping people by using his gift won’t be successful until he has mended and helped his own heart in the first place.

I love my friend but what I have realised the most by being with him aren’t all of my different issues.

I realised, that if I don’t care and mend my own heart, I would never be able to manifest my unique gifts in order to contribute to my outside world!

I hope, we all will take some time, every now and then, to mend and love our hearts in order to be able to find and use our unique gifts in order to to help and support those dear to us successfully.